This post is to quickly address a question that a reader posed to me recently. The reader contacted me about the examples I used in my introduction. Her concern was that I was promoting the societal misconception about what is beauty.
While I agree there is a misconception about what is considered beautiful, I do not feel the examples in my introduction were in anyway promoting that misconception. The point of those examples was to talk about some of the steps people have taken to deal with the trauma they experienced due to the peer-victimization they were subjected to.
Each person deals with their trauma in different ways. Research shows that some people who suffer from PTSD and Complex Trauma (not yet in the DSM but is under consideration for the DSM V) turn to drugs or alcohol, others sex or violence, while other still, become socially cut off. The question I am looking to research and understand is what type of reaction is seen in those who experience Peer-Victimization-Trauma (PVT). There is little research covering this; however there are tons of anecdotal stories that, unfortunately, tend to be of people who made choices that are viewed as conforming to societal norms of beauty.
I am not going to stand in judgment of the choices people have made to deal with their trauma, and I ask that others do not either. If we choose to stand in judgment, then we are no better than those who traumatized them to begin with.
If the examples I provided in my introduction have caused anyone any concerns, I apologize; however, I stand by my examples because they are based upon people I personally knew. I ask that we focus more on how to help those who are currently being victimized and worry less about an example used in an introduction. A child in Massachusetts hung himself just this month, due to being bullied. Another child hung herself in California just before the Christmas break. She too was bullied. Their reasons for being bullied were different, yet the net effect was the same. So, let us focus on how to limit the net effect and reduce the suicide and drug use associated with PVT.
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I was a transfer student,and got bullied by being alienated by classmates. I believe it made me stronger and not being a crying baby person.Now after years,my ex-classmates invite me to be their friends on social networking webs like Friendster and facebook. Sure I ignore them.Am I being childish?what do you think? It's not like I hold a grudge on them,but more like forgiven but not forgotten..
ReplyDeleteLinx,
ReplyDeleteIf you were to look up the definition of forgiveness, you will see that nowhere in the definition does it say that you have to let the person back into your life. The people who victimized you in childhood and adolescents can be forgiven, but there is no reason for you to open yourself up to them in adulthood.
Currently, more and more people are reporting running across their victimizers through networking sites. This is a new phenomenon; as such there is no research that talks directly to this issue. Anecdotally, people have experienced different reactions ranging from re-traumatization to mild feelings of contempt.
The feelings you have, the old feelings resurfacing, is a fairly normal reaction.
I recommend that you utilize the services of a therapist trained in trauma work (since there aren’t any programs that deal directly with victims of bullying). For anyone, it is better to work with a therapist on those unresolved feelings and trauma. It will help you complete your healing process.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and please keep your comments, questions, and concerns coming.
Regards,
R. Brian Salinas, MA
PsyD Candidate